This is my brain on Snow Day

Tuesday morning, 9:30AM

Well that was short-lived. I am very definitely, completely, assuredly, hopelessly not alone in the house this morning. The day Albus has been praying for has arrived: Snow Day! School's cancelled. Although I think it should more accurately be called Really Cold Day, because that seems to be why they cancelled it.

And it is really cold. I can't deny it.


Behind me comes the persistent wail of the five-year-old: Mom, no one will play with me! Mom, no one will play with me! Mom, no one will play with me!

His sister suggests: If you had an imaginary friend, you'd always have someone to play with.

But imaginary friends can't win!

Yes, says his sister, it can be arranged that imaginary friends can win. You just have to know how to do it.

Random parenting tip: I find that if you answer in soothingly vague understanding tones, yet don't follow up with any action, children will go off and find something to do. Case in point: five-year-old has retired to exploding little go-go figures in the living-room. Happily.


Does our living room look really empty? It is. It's the perfect play area for indoor soccer matches and floor puzzles and exploding go-go guys that you've arranged across the barren floor. It's ugly as all get-out, of course, but that doesn't diminish its value as a play area.

Kevin and I are currently brainstorming. This is sometimes a good thing and sometimes not. For example, we do have two dogs (unrepentant early morning whiners and poopers on porches in cold weather) due to impulsive brainstorming. But we all know how hard it is to change one's habits. And Kevin and I maintain a perverse fondness for impulsively brainstormed decisions. Right now what we're impulsively brainstorming is getting a gas fireplace. Maybe where the sofa is (see above). We can only do this if we don't get a new stove and range hood. But, we brainstorm impulsively, maybe the stove will prove fixable. (This has not been adequately determined, nor do we know how much it will cost, to keep fixing a stove that has frequently gone on the fritz ever since its costly purchase six years ago. It's like that car you keep repairing because you own it and you've committed so much to it already. "Throwing good money after bad." That's the phrase. But then again, there must be a handy counter-phrase, such as "Waste not, want not," and "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water.")

I've lost my train of thought. So have you. This is my brain on Snow Day.


I am currently reading Eats, Shoots, and Leaves, an entertaining guide to punctuation, which I fully intend to inflict on future creative writing students, should I ever teach again. Yesterday I haggled over a comma. Today, I'm writing dreadfully long parenthetical asides while my children lie about the house. Tomorrow they will be back in school. Won't they? Are swim lessons cancelled, too? And soccer practice? Is the entire day a clean slate? If I hide out in my office drinking coffee will they notice? Can I keep them from the siren's call of 'lectronics, as my youngest puts it? Should a question mark have been placed at the end of that last sentence?


It's beautiful out there. And frozen. I'm leaving the office to go for groceries now, actually, because we're low on everything and this is the kind of weather that screams: STOCK UP OR PERISH!

Although apparently we can expect a light rain by Saturday. (Really, weather?) Sometimes I suspect we're just lobsters in a pot, happily swimming around without a clue to our fates. Except it's worse than that. That analogy only works if the lobsters have filled the pot, lit the gas flame, and jumped in voluntarily, while their leaders systematically burn and bury all the scientific evidence that jumping into pots on stoves is certain to cause cooking in lobsters. And strains in analogies. Perhaps I've taken this too far.

It's 2014. I wonder why I thought it would be different from 2013.

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