Blogging under the influence

Jan12 571
one of my favourite places for a walk

I'm blogging under the influence of an excess of restless energy. I haven't exercised since this head cold knocked me sideways on Wednesday ... plus the cavity-filling during yesterday's potential exercise slot ... and deciding to stay up late to watch Groundhog Day last night and therefore sleep in this morning ... which really only adds up to three days of exercise-deprivation. Apparently, three days is WAY TOO LONG for my brain to be stuck inside a sedentary body.

I can see a real dip in my patience, in my frame of mind, in my focus in the absence of a) sunshine b) the outdoors and c) an endorphin-rush.

I can also see the less pleasant aspects of my personality poking out like sharp elbows. The all-or-nothing self. ie. I haven't run for almost three weeks and therefore I will never get back into shape ever again! The doom-and-gloom self. ie. This is worst winter ever. The snappish self. ie. The one slamming the office door.

I need a new go-to form of exercise. Nothing obvious has presented itself, and my attempts to fill the void feel slapdash and ineffectual, ie. I've found myself doing lunges in the kitchen while eating a hardboiled egg or even while doing the dishes (not a very effective way either to do lunges or the dishes; or egg-eating, for that matter). Anxiety is creeping in: What if I've lost my drive? What if I've lost my willpower and my determination? It's circular, of course. The less I exercise, the more anxious I feel.

I'm looking into a membership at a nearby gym. I've scouted another early morning spin class on Thursdays. And I'm open to suggestions.

My daughter has a soccer practice tonight. How I wish I could run in the dark. Okay, I have to accept that for now, I can't. But I can walk in the dark, right?* And I'm gonna. For the sake of everyone around me.

*This walk has been approved by Kevin and the rest of my dear sweet family.

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